I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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