I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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