I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he thought i was a dude.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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