i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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