Michael Bay diarrhea
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
