About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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