So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
