Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Drake has all the answers
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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