so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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