im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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