i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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