Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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