you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
