I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
