at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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