too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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