Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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