Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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