remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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