They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
