It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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