My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
