I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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