I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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