I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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