I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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