John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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