i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm too high and old for this...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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