def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I believe in your delicious
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
