I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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