you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
