is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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