Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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