marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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