my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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