Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I puked a lego.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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