Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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