You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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