I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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