everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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