5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would ride that face into the sunset
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
