Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
