So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
