We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
