"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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