I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
