see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
