Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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