Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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