Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
