He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
