"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
