Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
