There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
