Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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