There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
