it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
