So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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