it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize