It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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